Sunday, September 14, 2008
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Germans regularly sneaking onto US soil
Alaska now, too. In boats. And from the north, for crying out loud.
It’s German schizophrenia all over again. On the one hand desperately
concerned about saving a melting glacier in Switzerland with, well, the
equivalent of mountain sunscreen, they still can’t allow themselves to
miss the opportunity to book mass eco-tourism packages through the
fabled and now ice-free Northwest Passage.
About 400 of them sailed the short stretch from Europe to Barrow
through the Canadian Arctic after the ice opened up last summer for
the first time in recorded history. And scared the icy pants off several
members of the Inupiat community there in the process, I assume.
It’s normally not that easy for out-of-towners to sneak into a place like
Barrow by boat, being that it doesn’t have a port. But these German
tourists clearly weren’t interested in the details. And more such visits
are inevitable as the Northwest Passage is due to open up again this
month, as well. Maybe it’s time for Barrow to introduce some of that
German mountain sunscreen technology up there now, too.
“We need traffic cops here for our oceans.”
Kommentare auf Deutsch? Klar.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
More useless vacation notes
You will regularly find obscenely expensive and fashionable automobiles
strategically parked all over the island. You are expected to loudly
admire them and envy their owners. An Aston Martin Vantage is parked
in front of the place I’m staying at this year. I haven’t been able to locate
and congratulate the owner just yet, however.
While enjoying an ice cream cone during a walk along the windy
promenade in Westerland, it is entirely possible that one of the countless
daring seagulls who “chill” there in midair these days will rip the damned
thing out of your sticky, unsuspecting fingers before you even get the
chance to look as if you don’t care, the nasty little gluttonous bastards.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Useless vacation notes
these notes certainly are. I guarantee it. Especially if you never come
here, which you probably never will. So let’s not waste a moment and
get started.
When visiting Sylt…
Do not be alarmed when you see that everyone here except you has a
peculiarly annoying and „perfect“ bronze skin color which, although
darker than a normal tan and completely natural, nevertheless has
solarium written all over it. These people actually want to look this way.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Well it’s not a secret anymore
on “Germany’s secret riviera”, Timesonline just had to rat on “the
country’s “best-kept summer-holiday secret” and blow my cover big
time.
Yeah, I’m doing Sylt again and I’m not even ashamed to admit it. Sure,
it’s snooty here and there and overpriced in places but you don’t have
to be snooty or pay those over prices at those places if you don’t want
to. And you can still have a great time here, I mean. Even though it’s the
rainy season right now (it’s often the rainy season when I come up here,
no matter when). But I don’t care. I ‘m going to have my maatjes and eat
it, too. And enjoy watching all the snoots get rained out in the process.
Let them eat cake.
And I even came environmentally-friendly this year, too. No Autozug
adventure this time.
Ich war eben reif für die Insel.
Kommentare auf Deutsch? Logisch.
Saturday, August 9, 2008
Monday, August 4, 2008
Scary foreign birds taking over Baltic coast
protection areas in a single bound and, being that German hunters
(being German hunters) are not allowed to shoot them, roving gangs
of big South American ostriches have invaded Germany’s Baltic
coast and are wreaking havoc among the local flora and fauna and
vacationing populations there as we speak, or at least as I do.
After an original street gang of six of the hideously cute and
statuesque creatures, called nandus, escaped from a high-security
German farm facility some eight years ago, they have been breeding
like flying rats, even though they don’t really fly but run like the dickens
instead. The nandu, a word meaning “What you lookin’ at punk?” in
Spanish, can bite through metal, shoots greenish, death-ray eye beams
and loves the taste of human flesh.
German authorities have asked vacationers in the area to exercise
the utmost caution while being attacked and eaten by the horrid,
bloodthirsty creatures.
“Sie sind unheimlich heimisch geworden.”
Kommentare auf Deutsch? Klar.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Hotel über-crowded
The man claimed that he wasn’t a racist or anything and actually hates everyone equally but when “everything from the leaflets telling you what’s on in the morning to the people staying there to the language the employees spoke to the service was all in German”, and all of this in an English-speaking country like Greece, well, that took the Kuchen. And he didn’t even want to start up with the beach chairs.
In a show of solidarity with the wronged holiday maker, the new Madame Tussauds wax museum in Berlin has begun excluding Germans from entry.
“Geschmacklos und überflüssig”? Her damit!
Kommentare auf Deutsch? Logisch.
