Observing German(s)…

“It does look a lot like the HAL 9000, don’t you think?” said one wary information technologist. “And we all know what happened there, don’t we?”

“And who is to say that if we start using this thing it won’t enslave us and place us in the Matrix or something and start using our bodies to generate electricity for that ever-growing malignant and imperialist network of surveillance, repression and world domination, huh? No, not Washington. I meant Google this time,” said another concerned citizen scientist.

But German reaction to the new browser within the German scientific community has not been negative all across the board. “I mean, it is free, after all,” said a third security expert. “So like how dangerous can that be?”

“Chrome ist nur ein erster Schritt.“

Kommentare auf Deutsch? Klar.

The Volksempfänger is 75 and looks it. But I guess this was
the German iPhone in 1933.

“Die Erfindung und Ausgestaltung für das praktische
Gemeinschaftsleben der Menschen ist von einer wahrhaft
revolutionären Bedeutung.”

Kommentare auf Deutsch? Logisch.

“This is an outrage,” said one outraged German, sunning himself
while reading a Bildzeitung at an undisclosed Baltic beach location.
“Our high quality and highly profitable weapons are only sold to nice
people who never use them, never to rebellious thugs like these.
Otherwise somebody might get hurt, you know? I’m outraged, like
I said. Let’s see what else is in the news.”

According to German law, all German arms export sales must be
kept as secret as Germanly possible and never discussed openly
or questioned or even seriously addressed in public before they
are then approved by mysterious and nameless black-dressed
elements within what they call “the government”. Those occasional
exports not approved, like these, then later find themselves in the
country in question anyway. Then everybody gets outraged for a
few minutes, as Germany’s political correctness and aggressive
pacifism might otherwise be called into question. It’s a complex
law.

“I’m outraged, too,” said an overweight nude lady sunning next to
the first outraged guy. “Me, too,” said the outraged guy selling the
ice cream. “Anybody want a Magnum?”

German gun control in action.

Kommentare auf Deutsch? Klar.

It’s German schizophrenia all over again. On the one hand desperately
concerned about saving a melting glacier in Switzerland with, well, the
equivalent of mountain sunscreen, they still can’t allow themselves to
miss the opportunity to book mass eco-tourism packages through the
fabled and now ice-free Northwest Passage.

About 400 of them sailed the short stretch from Europe to Barrow
through the Canadian Arctic after the ice opened up last summer for
the first time in recorded history. And scared the icy pants off several
members of the Inupiat community there in the process, I assume.

It’s normally not that easy for out-of-towners to sneak into a place like
Barrow by boat, being that it doesn’t have a port. But these German
tourists clearly weren’t interested in the details. And more such visits
are inevitable as the Northwest Passage is due to open up again this
month, as well. Maybe it’s time for Barrow to introduce some of that
German mountain sunscreen technology up there now, too.

“We need traffic cops here for our oceans.”

Kommentare auf Deutsch? Klar.

Let me think about it… Nah. Maybe some other time.

Ich sammle auch Kunst, die ich nicht verstehe. Finde ich in Ordnung.

Kommentare auf Deutsch? Klar.

Marburg is so green that the traffic lights there also have three
colors; green, green and green.

Green? This city’s primary export is chlorophyll.

The only reason they say hello to you on the street there is to
be environmentally friendly.

We’re talking green, folks. The bicycles in Marburg are not
only recyclable, they’re edible.

The Marburgers only take one short shower once a month.
Together.

Marburg is so green that their cows have been taught not to
emit CO2.

Talk about a green town. Flowers regularly fall out of the sky
and their lampposts bloom in the spring.

Reminiscent of the Cold War “red phone” to Moscow, the mayor
of Marburg has a direct connection to Germany’s Ministry for the
Environment, only it’s… You guessed it.

Green? People who drive through Marburg in Hummers mysteriously
disappear and are never seen or heard of again.

“100 Prozent Erneuerbare Energien sind nötig.”

Kommentare auf Deutsch? Her damit!

The Zeppelin idea (and those like it) won’t die because let’s
face it, everybody’s in love with it. A company in California,
for instance, has just bought a Zeppelin NT07 airship and will
be offering sightseeing tours of San Francisco by the end of
October. And thanks to their inherent efficiency, think low fuel
consumption in the age of ridiculously high fuel prices, this
ancient, slow-food technology is starting to generate ideas
in other areas, too – again.

See what happens, but I say more power to them. And if they
start offering the cross-Atlantic route again (at easyjet prices,
of course), I’m there.

And speaking of German inventions, and lifting (and separating),
if you weren’t sure about what to get your girlfriend for her birthday
and want to go for that gift that’s oh so completely, uh, different,
maybe you should check one of these out.

I thought German women already were bullet-proof in that area,
they’re certainly heartless.

Kommentare auf Deutsch? Logisch.

The stunned sports commentators had to start improvising, of course, and, still having audio, began “talking” their way out of what some might “see” as being a bad situation with play-by-play commentary, at least as best they could, which was kind of fun to listen to for a while actually, but only kind of.

The picture came back a relatively short time later, of course, and Swiss police have begun a massive search for the bodies of the technicians responsible for the glitch (okay, okay, it was a storm), but not even that could stop the Germans from beating the Turks 3-2 in what was nevertheless one exciting match (I thought the Turks played/fought better but who cares what I think).

Damn. I think I’m going to “see” if I can listen in to some old Jake Benny tonight.

Wo waren Sie als der Bildschirm schwarz wurde?

Kommentare auf Deutsch? Selbstverständlich.

And of course with environmental concerns on the top of everybody’s agenda these days, these new nitrogen-based weapons are bound to make a killing in the weapons marketplace, too.

Today the bombs, tomorrow the Earth-friendly aircraft and warships. It’s good to know that we can all go to sleep at night with the certainty that science and industry continue to march on and make our wars less warlike and therefore more, uh, politically correct.

“Weniger giftig, dafür aber effizienter.”

Kommentare auf Deutsch? Selbstverständlich.