World Cup friendliness becoming unbearable in Berlin
Let’s be honest, people. Berliners just don’t act this way in real life. They don’t “smile”, they aren’t “polite”, they wouldn’t think of being “helpful” and they sure the hell aren’t “friendly”. Not in public, anyway (in private they’re much worse, of course). But wherever you go in this town these days, you can’t escape hoards of smiling and polite Berliners helpfully directing you to the nearest Word Cup venue in the friendliest of ways. They don’t even get pissed off when you tell them you’re not going to a World Cup venue. The pitiful jackasses. They don’t have me fooled.
The World Cup has turned this place into some kind of a bizarre Chronic Love Parade, only nobody’s passing out any ecstasy yet. Well nobody’s given me any. This friendliness and niceness is unnatural here. It’s wrong. Taken out of context like this, friendliness is downright evil here (think Austin Powers). I smell a rat.
The bakery lady gave me an extra breakfast roll the other day. It was a Camping Brötchen, too. For a week or so now, the old bags with the canes only crowd into the bus at the last moment so you finally get a chance to crowd in first (I swear they’re waiting on purpose). Fistfights for parking space are down dramatically. I haven’t seen a dog pile on the street since the USA – Italy match. The sun's even shining here these days for cryin’ out loud!
Wait, I’ve got it. Now I know how they're pulling this number off (whoever they are). It’s in the water. The ecstasy, I mean. They’ve put it in the bottled water they sell here in Berlin. I drink tap water, see? I’m an American and we don’t know any better. That’s why I haven’t become, well, one of them.
This is just like The Invasion of the Body Snatchers. I’ve got to report this to the Ordnungsamt or somebody immediately! Wait a minute. No I don’t.
Kann ich Ihnen behilflich sein?
Kommentare auf Deutsch? Logisch.
Please put away your book of stock excuses. So basically what you're saying is that all of the foreign students, working professionals or anybody else who is not intending to spend the rest of his life there will pretty much have to settle with being alone in Germany. Not only that, It takes a lot of arrogance on the part of the Germans to assume that their friendship is so valuable that it is worth the years and years of socially awkward situations which precede the friendship. The people lack basic social skills, that's all. (Comment this)