Blowing stuff up orderly
The clock is ticking. There are just twenty-four or so more hours to go. Then all hell breaks loose. The natives just love to blow up fireworks on New Year’s Eve you see and they’re already starting to lose it. It’s all this pent-up aggression that has to get out or something, says Hermann.
They go ape and spend a fortune on this stuff and their eyes get all teary and their pulses start pumping in anticipation and they prepare all the big honker rockets out on the balcony hours before midnight and basically go out of their way to ignore any and all of the vernunftige (reasonable) warnings their zuständige Behörden (responsible officials) try to give them – for once (otherwise they seem to gladly do whatever they’re told).
Yes, there are actually people in this country responsible for telling you how to blow up firecrackers. There’s the Bundesanstalt für Materialforschung (The Federal Office for Material Research), for instance. They put little stamps on the fireworks they’ve given their okay to and put out little warnings every year like: “Don’t hold the firecracker in your hand while it’s exploding!” or “Shut your windows as not to let errant fireworks fly inside!” (How else are you going to toss them out at the innocent bystanders on the street?) or “Children should only be allowed to set off Gefahrenklasse I (danger class I) fireworks!” (Paper hats or what?) or “Wear ear plugs to prevent damage to your hearing!” (I swear they recommend this!) or “Place your rockets in an empty bottle before firing!” (Show me the guy who puts one in a filled bottle!) or, my favorite, “Beware of Polish fireworks!”
Those evil Poles again. Sure, they may mix a little dynamite in there from time to time, but hey, no risk no fun. Six tons of illegal Polish fireworks were confiscated by the Berliner Polizei last night, the Spielverderber (party-poopers). That won’t be stopping us, though. Hermann knows this Jeri guy over in Kreuzberg and we’re heading there tonight.
Oh yeah, my New Year’s Eve warning: Do not ever put a Polish rocket in any kind of bottle, empty or full, at any time whatsoever.
PS: The abbreviation for the Bundesanstalt für Materialforschung here is BAM.
Polen-Böller? Die sind ja nur bedingt lebensgefährlich!
Kommentare auf Deutsch? Ich bitte darum!
