Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Help me man, I’m sick

So like here’s the latest and greatest only-in-Germany, help-me-because-I’m-a-victim-too-industry startup. Starting today, a group of business-savvy Berlin psychologists are opening Germany’s first advice bureau for stalkers. These guys are going to make a killing, too.

I know what you’re thinking: An advice bureau for stalkers? What, advising them how to stalk better or what? Nichts da (no way). This outreach center is actually designed to help cure those poor and unfortunate victims who have even poorer and more unfortunate victims that are still out of reach for them. At least for now, huh, huh, huh.

You know, explain to these guys, in this case during the course of 16 well-meant and emotionally-bonding counseling sessions, how it is that most people don’t consider stalking to be very polite or nice and how their obsession, although certainly no fault of their own, is often even perceived as being socially unacceptable and socially irresponsible behavior (or misbehavior if you prefer) and maybe even, as some would say, socially criminal, or criminal, at the very least.

Anyway, other countries have attempted similar anti-stalking programs in the past - in my country, for instance, we call it “jail” - but none have addressed the wants and the needs of the stalker himself with anywhere near the depth and efficiency that this one does, or should.

It’s called The Stop Stalking Office or something, by the way, but I couldn’t find their link anywhere. I do think I know where they are located, though. And now I am going to go out there and find them and observe them, long and hard, no matter what, again and again.

Neue Lebensinhalte braucht der Mensch.

Kommentare auf Deutsch? Klar doch.

PS: I would buy stalk in this company. Get it?

Posted by clarsonimus in 15:34:20
Comments

One Response

  1. Indeterminacy says:

    There’s a cool story by Julio Cortazar called “Graffiti” which could be seen as about two stalkers, each stalking the other. It’s one of the best stories I read in a while.

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