Thursday, November 29, 2007

Traditional families on the march

To extinction, I mean. Or do you think the readers, German or otherwise, actually believe these latest statistics? I have my doubts. Are we really supposed to believe that almost half the families in Berlin, for instance, do not consist of the “traditional” mother-father-child/children model? Are we really supposed to believe that other “modern” forms of single-parent families and similar Lebensgemeinschaften (forms of cohabitation) are the wave of the future?



Like I said, I have my doubts. It’s more than half in Berlin, I’m sure. And these so-called modern family forms have been the future here (and elsewhere) for quite some time now. And the real news is that these statistics don’t really mean anything (I know, they never do). If you take not such a close look around you, you will see that the so-called traditional families that still do exist here are unfortunately no less psycho than the alternative forms supposedly replacing them. And that’s saying a lot. These folks at the German Federal Office of Statistics are crunching the wrong numbers, in other words.

What they need to do is measure the numbers representing how the lack of personal responsibility and sense of duty has been rising over the years. I don’t know which numbers represent this best - and I don’t really want to go there right now, thank you - but you can bet that these numbers are going threw the roof. In other words: It doesn’t matter what type of family you belong to if nobody in it is doing his or her job, and that is clearly the case. Once the “traditional family values” go, once you are out on your own like a rolling stone, it’s all over. For “you” as a society, I mean. Practically everything that’s wrong with everywhere you care to look in this world (yup, think USA) can be explained by this very real phenomenon.

And the punch line here (this is really going to kill you)? It’s only going to get worse! This is the Generation Me era we are living in, people, the age of Selbstverwirklichung (self-realization), and it’s going to have to get a lot worse than this before we collectively realize (self-realize?) that Me (as in you, of course) just ain’t all that interesting.

Das sind ja Zahlen ohne Ende.

Kommentare auf Deutsch? Selbstverständlich.


PS: Thanks for the Marco link, Wilhelm. I hope the vigil in Dortmund goes well. Is this thing turning into Midnight Express, or what?
Posted by clarsonimus at 09:57:36 | Permanent Link | Comments (6) |

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Civil Servants threatened with starvation wage

In a shocking move that took thousands of well-fed Beamte completely by surprise, German Interior Minister Wolfgang Schäuble has actually and even seriously suggested a newly-drafted government plan in which Beamte should be paid according to something he called their “performance” (what they actually do) in the future.



“Huh? What?” asked one dumbfounded representative from the influential German Beamtenbund (Civil Service Employees Association) after he and the rest of the stunned audience realized he had not been joking and stopped chuckling in an abrupt fashion. “Getting paid ‘for what we actually do’? What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

A visibly nervous and heavily perspiring Schäuble then went on to explain that in the future, “a civil servant’s remuneration will be calculated to a much greater degree upon his or her performance, dedication and know-how.” After a few more minutes of awkward silence, another skeptical Beamte raised his hand. “You mean we’ll be getting less, right?”

Schäuble’s “not necessarily” retort did not come as quickly as the audience had hoped and was immediately met with outraged cries of “Starvation wages!” and “Manchester capitalism!” before three worried, tomato-covered bodyguards quickly whisked the minister offstage and into a waiting, armored vehicle.

Schäuble’s office later announced that he had found the discussion very “lively and invigorating” and that he is currently working on ironing out some of the draft plan’s “messy wording problems” as fast as his trembling hands allow him to.

Beamtenschlalf ist am gesündesten.

Kommentare auf Deutsch? Logisch.

Posted by clarsonimus at 09:02:32 | Permanent Link | Comments (2) |

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

The China Syndrome

Not unlike the prancing and dancing that takes place whenever Valdimir Putin waves the Russian gas carrot in front of the noses of certain energy-addicted Western Europeans (only much worse, of course), the Chinese take visible pleasure in orchestrating calculated snubs to punish those who might not dance to their tune precisely as they wish.



By playing the "French card" with Nicholas Sarkozy during his first official visit to Beijing this week, the Chinese want to make clear to the world what happens to those who consider doing such abominable things as meeting with the Dalai Lama or openly discussing China’s less than optimal human rights record. Well actually, they just wanted to make this clear to Germany. I suppose they’ve given up on hopeless cases like the USA by now.

Sarkozy flew back home with a big fat pile of mega-lucrative business deals and a sore shoulder from all the patting the Chinese gave him there. Very little was said about Mr. Lama and said human rights. And the little that was said was said in French, a language which the Chinese clearly can’t understand (or understand all too well?).

Where the German SPD stands on this “issue” is sadly very clear. The real question for Germany’s future dealings with China will be if Angela Merkel really means what she says about human rights - and how long she means to say it. And this will be a tough one for her. The Chinese even have the Pope is shaking in his boots, for crying out loud. And he doesn’t even sell anything the Chinese want to buy.

Yuan to bet they get what they want?

Kommentare auf Deutsch? Klar.

Posted by clarsonimus at 08:06:03 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |

Monday, November 26, 2007

Galileo comes out of suspended animation

After the private consortium that wanted in on the EU’s Galileo satellite navigation project wanted out after all, Galileo was quickly and quietly put to sleep. You know, like they had to do with Hal (thanks w00titude)?

It was hoped that someone else would come along who would take the bait or buy the swamp land or whatever it was they were supposed to do, but bait takers have clearly been few and far between. That is why the EU has now taken the initiative and has decided to fill out the project’s massive budget gap all by itself. Who needs private investors anyway? It’s only money, after all.

So despite Germany’s resistance (they are going to be the folks who will be shelling out the most), Galileo has now been resuscitated with a massive injection of 2.4 billion euros. Its heart is beating again, so-to-speak. And the clock is ticking. And the teeth are grinding. At least in Berlin they are. But they should look on the bright side. At least nobody has to worry about the weak dollar here, like they have to do with Airbus.

3, 2, 1, meins, ich meine, lift off!

Kommentare auf Deutsch? Her damit!

Posted by clarsonimus at 13:24:38 | Permanent Link | Comments (2) |

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Die Gedächtniskirche


alt : http://www.youtube.com/v/mw-RxPqIni0
Posted by clarsonimus at 07:50:57 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Houston, we have a dollar problem

Who doesn’t? And as if anybody in Houston could help. That Airbus makes impressive technology was already a well-known fact, but that they could also build planes able to sink as fast as the US dollar can was thought to be absolutely impossible. Up until now, that is. But it turns out that they can. And now scientists have figured out how they do it. Any company can do this, it seems: All you have to do is sell your products in dollars and pay your employees in euros.



But there’s more. If you really want to fly with the eagles, base your infamous Airbus “Power8” reorganization plan (the firing of 10,000 people and selling of several production facilities) on an exchange rate of $1.30 to $1.35 and then watch in awe as that ever-reliable US greenback drops even lower to around $1.50 where it is now. No wonder German Airbus boss Thomas O. Enders is talking about needed adjustments to counterbalance the “life-threatening” effects the weak dollar is having upon his company.

I think it’s high time that the Europeans consider paying their employees with a gentler and nicer and even friendlier currency than that high-flying euro. No, not the dollar (these people do have to eat, you know). But maybe temporarily introducing the Peso would quiet things down for awhile. Just an idea.

Sorry, wir akzeptieren hier keine Dollars.

Kommentare auf Deutsch? Logisch.

Posted by clarsonimus at 09:13:29 | Permanent Link | Comments (6) |

Friday, November 23, 2007

German scientists discover extinct scorpion bigger than the other extinct Scorpion

The German science and rock music worlds were sent reeling earlier this week when scientists discovered the fossilized claw of what appeared to be a sea scorpion bigger and even older than the fossilized Scorpions’ front man singer Klaus Meine himself.



“Holy Scheiße,” said paleontologist Markus Poschmann after having excavated the claw from an excavation of 390 million-year-old rocks in Rhineland Palatinate he had been excavating. “This turns everything we thought we knew about paleontology and German rock music completely on its head. I mean, that this thing could be bigger than Klaus Meine shouldn’t surprise anybody, but older? Come on now. We’re talking about the friggin’ Scorpions here.”

The armored giant is thought to have been 8 feet long, weighed 400 pounds and terrorized the seas a good 400 million years ago, shortly after the release of “Winds of Change”, or so scientists had thought up until the discovery. “We now have to re-evaluate everything we had believed about the release date of that song,” said a pensive Poschmann. “And I’m not even sure if the normal carbon dating methods will help us much here this time. I think we’ll take a closer look at ‘Rock You Like a Hurricane’ too, while we’re at it. The numbers…” he muttered. “The numbers. They just don’t add up.”

“’Craw’, not craw.”

Kommentare auf Deutsch? Her damit!

Posted by clarsonimus at 09:58:50 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |

Thursday, November 22, 2007

GDL Now Taking Hostages

At knifepoint, I mean. Encouraged by the ruthless acts of sabotage their striking French counterparts have undertaken to show that they mean business, German GDL strikers have now resorted to hostage-taking in a desperate effort to push through their ridiculous demands.



An unidentified, distorted-faced union member pulled a knife on a café employee at Berlin’s Hauptbahnhof yesterday and held him captive for a full two hours while demanding an improved pay offer from Germany’s national railway before German SKGDL forces (special anti-GDL forces) tackled the moron after tricking him outside with an Angebot (offer) of their own.

Clearly shocked by the senseless violence at a café he frequently visits, Bahn boss Hartmut Mehdorn then knuckled under and offered the union a “significantly improved offer”, but only under the condition that the desperate strikers move on to “the other end” of the train station and take their next hostage at McDonald’s instead.

A masked spokesman for the GDL confirmed that this new offer had been made but gave no details, choosing to fire his AK-47 wildly into the air instead. Once his ammunition had been spent, he did say that union leaders will consider the offer by Monday and that the GDL would not stage any strikes or take any other hostages before then.

Wir verhandeln nicht mit Gewerkschaftsmitgliedern. Auch nicht mit Dingsda, Terroristen.

Kommentare auf Deutsch? Klar doch.

Posted by clarsonimus at 07:33:52 | Permanent Link | Comments (3) |

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

If Americans did this, it would be called hysteria

And it would be blamed on the lack of proper gun control, too. And religious fundamentalists would most likely be the ones behind it, as well. And George W. Bush, of course. And Michael Moore, too. No, skip that last guy. Anyway, after the first school shooting that didn’t take place last week in Cologne caused a little confusion, it now appears that the second and maybe third school shootings that were about to happen won’t be taking place, either. Harmless air guns and broken crossbows are now being confiscated right and left. Schools have been shut down as a precautionary measure. Internet sites are being searched for questionable photographs (were there ever any other kind?). The German police have another good explanation for all of this, of course, but they are going to take their time this time and are still working on their Power Point presentation to make sure it comes out absolutely perfect, this time, like I said.

Ach wie gut, dass keiner weiß, dass ich auf die Schule… gehe bzw. nicht gehe.

Kommentare auf Deutsch? Logisch.

Posted by clarsonimus at 08:03:15 | Permanent Link | Comments (4) |

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

German Greenhouse Gas Galore

Nobody does greenhouse gas better than Greenpeace, or so they say. So imagine the wailing and gnashing of teeth in Berlin, figuratively speaking of course, when a study of theirs has indicated that Germany will “miss by miles” its ambitious plans to reduce its share of these gases by 40 percent.



The study indicates that the current government plan can reduce emissions by 30 percent at the very most, and this primarily due to Germany’s equally ambitious plans to simultaneously increase its already large and dirty coal-burning power plant network.

The German Ministry for the Environment rejected the results of the study as being “nicht nachvollziehbar” (incomprehensible). Incomprehensible? Building more coal-burning power plants means producing more greenhouse gas? I don’t see what’s so incomprehensible about that. But, then again, I’m not an expert.

No one at the ministry was available for comment at the moment because half the building is on emergency leave in order to take advantage of the fabulous ski conditions down south right now (thanks, Joe). Word is that this may be one of the very last times they will ever be able to go skiing in Germany again so they want to make the best of a bad situation as best they can. Of course that might be greenhouse gas, too.

Na, na, na, na, na, na. Wir stoßen weniger Gas aus als ihr!

Kommentare auf Deutsch? Logisch.

Posted by clarsonimus at 08:10:15 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |
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