Sunday, March 02, 2008
Saturday, March 01, 2008
Can we spray up the Sony Center now, too?
If you’ve ever felt the need to take a trip back to 1970s New York, although I honestly wouldn’t know why you would, come on down (up?) to Berlin some time. Not having much other industry to turn their attention to these days it seems, street-wise street folks do tons of their own kind of industrial design on city walls here each and every day instead. They call this design “Graffiti” here (Germans capitalize their nouns, you see).
Some even call it Art. One guy I knows even calls it Fred. Ha, ha, just kidding. Yes, Berlin is probably the most “tagged” or “bombed” city in Europe, and we’re not just talking B-17s here anymore, either. And that’s a wonderful thing, I suppose, because it wasn’t all that long ago that it used to be called vandalism, too. But that’s like just so totally negative, man. Graffiti with a capital G is actually “celebrated as street art and even regarded as an integral component of Berliner Strassenkultur (street culture)”, you see, although I haven’t met anyone here yet who is doing any celebrating about it. But, then again, I’m old and gray and in the way.
And speaking of capitalization… Now that the Japanese have surrendered (another veiled reference to “bombed” again, although those weren’t B-17s) and the Sony Center has been taken over be evil American locust types, just think of all that Fläche (area) available to spray up with industrial design downtown (uptown?) now.
Graffiti ist Kommunikation!
Some even call it Art. One guy I knows even calls it Fred. Ha, ha, just kidding. Yes, Berlin is probably the most “tagged” or “bombed” city in Europe, and we’re not just talking B-17s here anymore, either. And that’s a wonderful thing, I suppose, because it wasn’t all that long ago that it used to be called vandalism, too. But that’s like just so totally negative, man. Graffiti with a capital G is actually “celebrated as street art and even regarded as an integral component of Berliner Strassenkultur (street culture)”, you see, although I haven’t met anyone here yet who is doing any celebrating about it. But, then again, I’m old and gray and in the way.
And speaking of capitalization… Now that the Japanese have surrendered (another veiled reference to “bombed” again, although those weren’t B-17s) and the Sony Center has been taken over be evil American locust types, just think of all that Fläche (area) available to spray up with industrial design downtown (uptown?) now.
Graffiti ist Kommunikation!
Kommentare auf Deutsch? Klaro.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Toemb Ryeter
For some strange reason, many Germans insist upon pronouncing the words Tomb Raider as spelled above, more or less. That has nothing to do with this post, of course, but I just thought you might blike to know. No, I take that back. Now I remember. The latest news about the search for the missing and mysterious Bernsteinzimmer (some call it the Amber Room) reminded me of the movie Tomb Raider and that brought me on to the German pronunciation issue.
Anyway, the latest news about The Mysterious Case of the Search for the Bernsteinzimmer (named after famous American conductor Leonard Bernstein decades before his birth - that’s part of the mystery) is that German tomb raiders now believe to have finally located it. Of course this is about the sixtieth time that the Amber Room has finally been located but this time it could really happen, honest.
The chamber was stolen by the Nazis from Catherine Palace in St Petersburg in 1941 and then taken to the mythical city of Königsberg, now called Kaliningrad, where it was soon to disappear in 1945 at which point it was probably taken by train to Vladivostok where it was than placed on a Greek freighter which later sunk off the coast of Spain and was later recovered by Howard Hughes and then buried in permafrost before a Klingon warship transported it to a Czech copper mine in the middle of the night when nobody was looking. But like I said, other theories also abound. Let’s all keep holding our breaths on this one, okay?
Lara Croft konnte leider diesmal bei der Suche nicht dabei sein.
Anyway, the latest news about The Mysterious Case of the Search for the Bernsteinzimmer (named after famous American conductor Leonard Bernstein decades before his birth - that’s part of the mystery) is that German tomb raiders now believe to have finally located it. Of course this is about the sixtieth time that the Amber Room has finally been located but this time it could really happen, honest.
The chamber was stolen by the Nazis from Catherine Palace in St Petersburg in 1941 and then taken to the mythical city of Königsberg, now called Kaliningrad, where it was soon to disappear in 1945 at which point it was probably taken by train to Vladivostok where it was than placed on a Greek freighter which later sunk off the coast of Spain and was later recovered by Howard Hughes and then buried in permafrost before a Klingon warship transported it to a Czech copper mine in the middle of the night when nobody was looking. But like I said, other theories also abound. Let’s all keep holding our breaths on this one, okay?
Lara Croft konnte leider diesmal bei der Suche nicht dabei sein.
Kommentare auf Deutsch? Klar doch.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Don’t hate me just because I’m beautiful
Germans appear to have a real problem with Heidi Klum. And not just the women, either. As attested to in an article concerning her visit to a German talk show (excuse me, Talkshow) last night, not only is she a “fearsome and cold clone” comprised of something called “German discipline and the American will for advancement” (igitt! as in yuk!) and disgustingly successful in practically everything she does, the 34-year-old glamour “girl” was also just elected Top Model (that’s Topmodel over here) with the Most Sex Appeal (you guessed it, that’s Sexappeal in German). And to add insult to injury, this mega-model mother of all models is the mother of three children, as well. And I’m not even going to mention that compassionate Britney Spears number she just pulled off the other day. Oops, too late.
Now I can think of a lot of words for Heidi Klum, but “fearsome” and “cold” are definitely not two of them. I think I know what her real problem is: She likes herself despite all of her flaws. Uh, or lack of them, I should say. She’s childishly upbeat, relaxed and totally can-do. She’s way too American, in other words. How could the Germans like her? But you go girl, anyway. Run with it, Heidi baby.
I know what German television viewers really want when it comes to successful super model Americans like Heidi Klum: Unsuccessful ones like Bruce. And more drama, baby. Lots more drama.
"Heidi, wieso sehen deine Models alle so dünn aus?"
Now I can think of a lot of words for Heidi Klum, but “fearsome” and “cold” are definitely not two of them. I think I know what her real problem is: She likes herself despite all of her flaws. Uh, or lack of them, I should say. She’s childishly upbeat, relaxed and totally can-do. She’s way too American, in other words. How could the Germans like her? But you go girl, anyway. Run with it, Heidi baby.
I know what German television viewers really want when it comes to successful super model Americans like Heidi Klum: Unsuccessful ones like Bruce. And more drama, baby. Lots more drama.
"Heidi, wieso sehen deine Models alle so dünn aus?"
Kommentare auf Deutsch? Logisch.
Friday, December 21, 2007
American hassled and attacked at German McDonald’s, US troops to now stay longer
All it took was one little “Heil Hitler” and a kick to the shins to place the United States and Germany on the brink of war again or something again. In the early hours of Saturday in Gelsenkirchen, at a McDonald’s restaurant of all places, a 54-year-old American was attacked by a German customer who was offended at having to listen to the guy speak English.
“We are in Germany. German is spoken here,” the irate German said, right on both counts. “We may not speak the best German by international standards or anything, of course, but at least we try. So shut the *#!?*# up and whip some Deutsch on me, you cultureless American hick.” The dumbfounded American, dumbfounded, then threatened to call the cops at which point the hot and bothered German kicked him soundly in the ankles and did his little Hitler salute thang. The American was then whisked away to a German hospital where he underwent surgery for his leg injury (it is common practice to have to undergo surgery for a kick to the shins here in Germany).
Understandably, this ugly incident has been kept hushed up for as long as possible. But not long enough if you ask me, because now the United States Department of Defense has found out about it and the S Word has hit the fan and Washington has retaliated by putting off the withdrawal of two brigades it has stationed in Germany for another two whole years.
Secretary of State Robert Gates has let it be known that “maintaining a strong military presence in Germany after this provocative McDonald’s incident will signal to Germany and to the rest of the world that we will remain globally engaged with our so-called allies in our continued fight for the rapid deployment of fast food, wherever it may be served, and whether these so-called allies like it or not. So put that in your Big Mac and eat it, Freunde (pals).”
Das heißt hier Big Mäc, ja?
“We are in Germany. German is spoken here,” the irate German said, right on both counts. “We may not speak the best German by international standards or anything, of course, but at least we try. So shut the *#!?*# up and whip some Deutsch on me, you cultureless American hick.” The dumbfounded American, dumbfounded, then threatened to call the cops at which point the hot and bothered German kicked him soundly in the ankles and did his little Hitler salute thang. The American was then whisked away to a German hospital where he underwent surgery for his leg injury (it is common practice to have to undergo surgery for a kick to the shins here in Germany).
Understandably, this ugly incident has been kept hushed up for as long as possible. But not long enough if you ask me, because now the United States Department of Defense has found out about it and the S Word has hit the fan and Washington has retaliated by putting off the withdrawal of two brigades it has stationed in Germany for another two whole years.
Secretary of State Robert Gates has let it be known that “maintaining a strong military presence in Germany after this provocative McDonald’s incident will signal to Germany and to the rest of the world that we will remain globally engaged with our so-called allies in our continued fight for the rapid deployment of fast food, wherever it may be served, and whether these so-called allies like it or not. So put that in your Big Mac and eat it, Freunde (pals).”
Das heißt hier Big Mäc, ja?
Kommentare auf Deutsch? Selbstverständlich.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Simply complicated
Television news in Germany is einfach kompliziert (simply complicated). Or it can be, if you are the average, news-watching German. It appears that unless it has to do with the no-brainer stuff like climate catastrophe hysteria or your run-of-the-mill America bashing, the way that the serious and expensive, state-run channels present their news issues often goes right over the well-educated German head.
A survey has indicated that a wide variety of big peculiar German words used during these newscasts (more big and peculiar than usual, I mean) go in one ear and right back out the other. And is it any wonder with creations like “Vorteilsschöpfung” (advantage fabrication?) or “Tarifautonomie” (tariff autonomy) or “Basta-Politik” (“that’s it” or “end of the discussion” politics)? And that last one was an old favourite here, I thought, from the days of Gerhard Teflon Schröder himself.
News people are justifying these strange word inventions due to the immense time pressure they are under. After all, they only have 15 minutes so it “would be too much to handle” for the nightly news programs to have to also now serve as the “nation’s elementary school”, one spokesman said, which, I suppose, is correct.
I think they should just give the people what they want; simple terminology about simple people doing simple thing who don’t understand anything but simple words to begin with anyway. You know, terms like Paris Hilton. Paris was in Berlin yesterday, the silly bimbo, and of course her visits are always anything but complicated. And talk about someone who has obviously never understood a news report in her entire life...
Das war Deutsch.
A survey has indicated that a wide variety of big peculiar German words used during these newscasts (more big and peculiar than usual, I mean) go in one ear and right back out the other. And is it any wonder with creations like “Vorteilsschöpfung” (advantage fabrication?) or “Tarifautonomie” (tariff autonomy) or “Basta-Politik” (“that’s it” or “end of the discussion” politics)? And that last one was an old favourite here, I thought, from the days of Gerhard Teflon Schröder himself.
News people are justifying these strange word inventions due to the immense time pressure they are under. After all, they only have 15 minutes so it “would be too much to handle” for the nightly news programs to have to also now serve as the “nation’s elementary school”, one spokesman said, which, I suppose, is correct.
I think they should just give the people what they want; simple terminology about simple people doing simple thing who don’t understand anything but simple words to begin with anyway. You know, terms like Paris Hilton. Paris was in Berlin yesterday, the silly bimbo, and of course her visits are always anything but complicated. And talk about someone who has obviously never understood a news report in her entire life...
Das war Deutsch.
Kommentare auf Deutsch? Selbstverständlich.
PS: Thanks for the Evil Twin link, Anonymous. <;-)
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Psycho terror
Clearly disappointed about not having found a Kurschatten he can have an intelligent conversation with, and chomping at the bit to march back to the strike his union is currently in the process of losing once his well-deserved Kur is finally over with, locomotive union boss Manfred Schell (place the stress on loco here) has accused the Bahn of conducting Psychoterror (psycho terror) in its dealings with the strikers.
Psychoterror is a popular term with Germans and is often used here whenever one is faced with irrefutable arguments during the course of an emotional discussion or downright fight. Volksverblödung (dumbing down the people) is another such popular term which is also quite useful in the same situation and, coincidentally, another one Schell used during the same conversation.
He is namely convinced that the Bahn is trying to dumb down his people by having offered them a 10 percent pay raise and a one-time payment of 2,000 euros (about $2,800), an offer he rejected. That’s right. Do the math. It’s still not enough. Don’t ask. Uhm, who's doing the dumbing down again?
And Schell’s psycho terror accusation seems to stem from the fact that he is convinced he is dealing with Außerirdische (aliens). Or at least that is what he called Bahn personnel boss Margret Suckale during an unguarded moment when he thought the microphones where off or something, I guess. Hmmm. Do you think he knows about his implants yet?
And this is the kind of stuff the guy says when he’s on rest and relaxation, too. Can you imagine what he’ll be giving us next week when he gets the party started again?
Wir sind gekommen, um euren Planeten abzuernten! Jämmerliche Erdlinge.
Psychoterror is a popular term with Germans and is often used here whenever one is faced with irrefutable arguments during the course of an emotional discussion or downright fight. Volksverblödung (dumbing down the people) is another such popular term which is also quite useful in the same situation and, coincidentally, another one Schell used during the same conversation.
He is namely convinced that the Bahn is trying to dumb down his people by having offered them a 10 percent pay raise and a one-time payment of 2,000 euros (about $2,800), an offer he rejected. That’s right. Do the math. It’s still not enough. Don’t ask. Uhm, who's doing the dumbing down again?
And Schell’s psycho terror accusation seems to stem from the fact that he is convinced he is dealing with Außerirdische (aliens). Or at least that is what he called Bahn personnel boss Margret Suckale during an unguarded moment when he thought the microphones where off or something, I guess. Hmmm. Do you think he knows about his implants yet?
And this is the kind of stuff the guy says when he’s on rest and relaxation, too. Can you imagine what he’ll be giving us next week when he gets the party started again?
Wir sind gekommen, um euren Planeten abzuernten! Jämmerliche Erdlinge.
Kommentare auf Deutsch? Logisch.
Friday, September 14, 2007
Die Veronica
No, not die as in croak, die as in “die” (the) Veronica. Actually, it is die Veronica Ferres. No, that’s not right, either. Call her die Ferres. It’s a German thing, you see. Or a German language thing, I should say. If you become a big enough star or diva or whatever it is you become here (it’s almost always women, otherwise it would be “der”), people start referring to you with the “die” in front of your last name.
You know, like die Dietrich, die Knef or die Christiansen? It is some kind of secret coded sugar-coated badge of honor, although it can also be a badge of dishonor, too. It’s complicated. Hey, if it’s German it has to be complicated, that’s just the way the language is.
Anyway, German used-to-be-hot-before-she-started-worrying-about-her-weight actress Veronica Ferres (think Schtonk) is scheduled to enter the die-league this fall with the release of her upcoming made-for-die-German-TV-film “The Woman from Checkpoint Charlie”, or at least that’s what one or maybe even two journalists in Germany think.
It’s a touching story about, uh, something. I forget. But it’s got Checkpoint Charlie in it and die Ferres auch so I’m there, dude. Or maybe I won’t be, it’s hard to say for sure right now.
Ich bin die Ferres, und wer sind Sie?
You know, like die Dietrich, die Knef or die Christiansen? It is some kind of secret coded sugar-coated badge of honor, although it can also be a badge of dishonor, too. It’s complicated. Hey, if it’s German it has to be complicated, that’s just the way the language is.
Anyway, German used-to-be-hot-before-she-started-worrying-about-her-weight actress Veronica Ferres (think Schtonk) is scheduled to enter the die-league this fall with the release of her upcoming made-for-die-German-TV-film “The Woman from Checkpoint Charlie”, or at least that’s what one or maybe even two journalists in Germany think.
It’s a touching story about, uh, something. I forget. But it’s got Checkpoint Charlie in it and die Ferres auch so I’m there, dude. Or maybe I won’t be, it’s hard to say for sure right now.
Ich bin die Ferres, und wer sind Sie?
Kommentare auf Deutsch? Logisch.
Saturday, July 21, 2007
German Harry Potter fans caught in something called a “queue”
Although usually miserable at orderly waiting in orderly lines, German Harry Potter fans are doing to be doing just that. They have to, I suppose, it is an English book after all. That’s right, today’s long-awaited publication of “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows” in Germany (and elsewhere, of course) is going to be just that, the publication of “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows”, in English. The German fans refuse to wait for the German translation of the book which won’t be out until October some time.
Can you imagine waiting in line in the middle of the night to buy a book written in a language you don’t properly understand that isn’t your own language that you don’t properly understand? Me neither. But German Harry Potter fans just make it happen and bite the bullet and read the English anyway, whether they can or not. Online orders of the original version have passed the 170,000 mark here. And the last Harry Potter book even became the first English-language book ever to make it into the German best seller list
I really hate saying this, but I find this impressive and commendable and little short of amazing. I guess that’s why I wrote it instead.
So have fun tonight at that global camping-out party ritual taking place in front of a bookstore near you regardless of where you live in Germany or anywhere else on this planet unless it’s in Antarctica maybe. Kind of like Live Earth, isn’t it? And don’t even think about crowding in line buddy.
Expelliarmus!
Can you imagine waiting in line in the middle of the night to buy a book written in a language you don’t properly understand that isn’t your own language that you don’t properly understand? Me neither. But German Harry Potter fans just make it happen and bite the bullet and read the English anyway, whether they can or not. Online orders of the original version have passed the 170,000 mark here. And the last Harry Potter book even became the first English-language book ever to make it into the German best seller list
I really hate saying this, but I find this impressive and commendable and little short of amazing. I guess that’s why I wrote it instead.
So have fun tonight at that global camping-out party ritual taking place in front of a bookstore near you regardless of where you live in Germany or anywhere else on this planet unless it’s in Antarctica maybe. Kind of like Live Earth, isn’t it? And don’t even think about crowding in line buddy.
Expelliarmus!
Kommentare auf Deutsch? Selbstverständlich.
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Phrase these days:
“Auf gut deutsch:"
Literal meaning:
In proper German:
In other words:
In plain language (in other words):
"Now there arose up a new king over Egypt and he said unto his people, Behold, the people of the children of Israel are more and mightier than we: Come on, let us deal wisely with them; lest they multiply, and it come to pass, that, when there falleth out any war, they join also unto our enemies, and fight against us, and so get them up out of the land."
Dans les grandes choses, les hommes se montrent comme il leur convient de se montrer ; dans les petites, ils se montrent comme ils sont.
The negative views Germans hold vis-à-vis the United States are the accidental results of flawed reasoning, recklessly acquired erroneous judgments, well-intentioned but misguided teaching of parents and teachers, and unexamined acculturation. Of course the positve views are the result of that, too. But still.
Because giving makes you a better person.
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